curiosity...

The other day as I passed through security at the front gate and started up the long outside ramp to the sallyport, it suddenly dawned on me -- I was about to walk into a maximum security prison. I work at a maximum security prison. At some point during the last five weeks, this crazy fact had become just another part of my normal schedule. When did that happen? When did I stop really thinking about the fact that I go to a prison every day? Furthermore, is this a good thing or a bad thing? I can see it being good -- I have found the stereotypes about prison to be just those and am not nervous at all to go to work. Or it could be bad -- I have become dulled to the fact that the prison system is what it is. Does this mean I have become dulled to other facts, like all the ridiculous rules and regulations the women must adhere to?


I don't think I mentioned this yet, but the women get to have a Fourth of July party. For some reason, probably a lack of staff on the actual day, the party is taking place on Thursday, the 3rd. I guess it's better than nothing at all, but I still find it sad to celebrate a holiday on the wrong day, you know? Anyway, it's pretty much an all-day event, and it will be taking place out on the yard, which from my understanding is really just a big field of grass. They'll get hotdogs and watermelon and popcorn. More than any other food, I've heard most women say they crave watermelon, so they're especially excited about that part. Aside from the food, there will also be volleyball and softball games going on, as well as music and even a talent show. From what I've been told about previous years, the Fourth of July party is a pretty good time.

I don't think that the prison officially celebrates any other holidays. They might have a turkey meal around the time of Thanksgiving, and one of the inmates told me about how her range made the best of Christmas by getting gifts and making special food for everyone. But for some reason, the prison makes sure the women there get to celebrate, quite ironically, Independence Day. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! (note the sarcasm)

It's interesting how Christians believe we are forgiven for all our sins without having to do one darn thing, and yet here we lock up people for committing crimes. Once they serve the time, then they are "forgiven" for whatever it is they've done. Now don't get me wrong, here; I'm not suggesting there should be no consequences for wrongdoings. It just is interesting to me to think about how I can be both a Christian and an American and find nothing wrong with that inconsistency.

One of the women I've been meeting with fairly regularly has been in prison for 8 years, with 12 more to go. I had been curious about what she could have done that would grant her a 20-year sentence, because she's so nice and polite to me all the time, and she seems to do whatever she can to not get in trouble and keep a positive attitude and help other women who are having a rough time. In fact, I might have even mentioned her in a previous post. Anyway, every now and then I go to the Georgia state Department of Corrections website and look up some of the women I meet with to see what they're in for. Did you know you could do that? Apparently it's public knowledge as to what every person in prison has done to land them there. All you need is a name or an ID number and you can discover how long they're in and what they did.

Now I go back and forth between wanting to know what a woman did and not caring. On the one hand, if I know, then it might be easier to talk to a woman and help her for the future when she gets out. Also, if she knows I know and sees that I still care about her and want to talk to her, it might make her feel better about herself and more like a real person, though I haven't told anyone yet that I know what they did. Some women have told me why they're there, or at least hinted at facts. On the other hand, in some respects it doesn't matter to me what a woman did to get in prison. Whatever it was, it happened, and that can't be changed, and we can have meaningful conversation regardless.

So anyway, back to this woman with the 20-year sentence. She's so nice and positive, and she admits she has hard days, but that she finds time to be sad when she's alone so she can be positive when around others. Well, I randomly decided to see what she was in for, and I discovered part of her sentence is drugs (like a large percent of the prison population), but another part is for "cruelty to children" and "enticing a child with indecent purposes." I could not believe this when I read it. This woman is constantly talking about her children (and now her grandchildren) and how much she loves them and misses them and writes to them. It sounds like she has a solid relationship with them. Before we jump to conclusions, it didn't specify if her inappropriate behavior was directed at her own children or someone else's. Either way, I wish I hadn't looked her up. I don't want knowing that to affect the way I act around her and treat her, because so far I have really enjoyed getting to talk to her and know her better, but.... cruelty to children? Who could ever do that? I just can't imagine what goes on in the minds of people who abuse children. I think it's sick.

I've talked to women who are in for murder, but somehow child abuse seems worse to me, and I don't know why I feel this way. Again, I don't want this to get in the way of the relationship I'm building with this woman. Perhaps there's a way to use it to my advantage. Maybe I could talk with her about her life before prison and see what I can pull out of that.

It's a love-hate relationship I have with that DOC website. It's always enticing, but sometimes, like now, I regret looking.